Have you ever felt stuck in anger?  If so, have you noticed how the resentment you are clutching is holding you captive in negativity?
What I am working on is recognizing when and why I become angry and then noticing how it is affecting me; how anger is taking me away from my focus on what I was doing prior to being triggered, and causing internal anxiety?
I will give you an example.  My son borrowed my car.  I told him to bring it back by 10 am so that I could go to yoga.  When he didn’t answer my calls and texts, I got angry.  I started three times to call AT&T to cut off his phone, which was a complete interruption to the Chopin Ballade I was so intently working on moments prior.  Recognizing the downward spiral I was heading toward, I called an Uber.  I noticed myself still upset.  I could tell because my thoughts were distracted.  Instead of calmly getting myself ready, I was scheming my plan to punish the behavior.  I even threatened him by text.  Wow, how vicious.  Revenge never gets us what we want or closer to being happy.   Once I noticed this toxic pattern, I decided to start breathing fully and getting back into the moment.   Once in the Uber, I realized that I would be on time and began to notice my surroundings.  Areas I never see,  because I am usually driving myself.
My point is that I had to give up the way of being that was clearly incongruous to my well- being and my emotional peace.  I had to give up what sucks!!!!
Another example was the day I excitedly rushed to get to the beach before the sun went down.  As I was ready to back into a parking stall, an angry driver cussed me out viciously.   I was seriously triggered!  I had to breathe deeply and decide in that moment that I would find a perfect parking spot.  Thanks to my shift in mental energy, the next spot I found was directly across from the monkey bars.  I snuck in a little work out and then walked through the park only to find myself in a Hula training!  I stopped to participate and had a blast!  Afterward I walked to the beach and ran into my brand new intern who told me how much she loves being a part of our Center.  It was almost magical.  I couldn’t have orchestrated the afternoon more perfectly.
When we watch our thoughts, and shift the screen in our mind to a more positive station, we create IN THE MOMENT MIRACLES.  We don’t need to control everything!  I believe “go with the flow”, is most effective!  Go with the flow like the waves in the ocean.
In a recent PSI training I took,  I was invited to Imagine someone videotaping me for an entire week .
 What would my reaction be?  Would I date myself?  Would I hire myself?  What behavior would I want to get rid of?
My son picked me up from Yoga at noon as I requested on my umpteenth text.   But even before that, I felt myself scheming consequences.  When I noticed those thoughts, I decided to instead visualize that he would indeed be there at noon to pick me up.    I set him up to WIN by visualizing what I truly wanted to create.   He immediately apologized for not being home in time earlier.
Whew!  Now I need to figure out to gently teach my son to accept consequences without being angry at me or himself.  I told my children when they were little, that If I get mad at them, I am in actuality mad at myself.  This awareness empowers me with an opportunity to forgive myself and SHIFT.  It doesn’t really matter what expectations I had on myself.  We are all doing the best we can in the moment – when we are being aware of our thoughts.


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